Today I ran Naked(Wait, what?)

There are 4 types of people who have come to visit this blog post.

1) Those who have come to see an Adonis with a glistening member for all to behold (these are the people that don't know me)

2) Those who have come imagining Shamoo swimming around spouting water(Those who know me)

3) Runners who know what running naked is and have come here to bask in the knowledge that they delusionally think I somehow have to share

4) Those who figure this will be a train wreck and they can't not look

5) Those who don't fit into one of the aforementioned categories and have decided to form an additional category to remove any doubt of their fellow readers that I haven't a solid grasp on mathematics.

Let me assure you, not a single woman screamed as I ran naked. I'd like to think it was the fact that they were mesmerized by the experience of seeing me run naked but I don't think that was the case. My privates were properly covered as was the rest of the vast majority of my sun sensitive, albacore tuna colored skin(or at least the parts people may offer me money to keep covered. hmmmm<light-bulb>)

So what the hell are we talking about? Running naked means running without the telemetry from modern day electronics. No heart rate monitors, smartphone GPS apps, GPS watch, Digital urinalysis kit(WTF?). You simply run by feel.  Listen to your body. Don't worry about your pace, the time or the weather in Mozambique(unless of course you're running in Mozambique). Just run.

It was a wonderful experience. Allowed me to focus on my injury and make sure my form didn't stress it further. I had a great pain free run! 

To be honest, I had my GPS watch on me. I just chose to not look at it. Still wanted the running data after the fact.

******

Today:

Run: 4.01 Miles. 10:03 Pace. 177 SPM. Knee felt good but it was very flat surface. I feel it hurt whenever I use any sort of lateral stability. We aren't healed yet but making ground.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),

Pull Ups: 1x4, 1x4(40lb assist), 1x3(40lb assist)

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 4.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1445.61

8/29:

Weight - 200.8

Body Fat - 19.4

BMI - 27.8

Shoulders - 46

Neck - 16

Chest - 43

Bicep right - 12.5

Bicep - left - 12.5

Waist - 39

Hips - 38

Thigh - right - 21.5

Thigh - left - 21.5

Run: 2 miles, 10:22 Pace, 178 SPM

8/30:

Stationary Bike: 30 Minutes at 85-90rpm to match a 170-180 running cadence. Going to mess with adding resistance once I figure out how to use the damn computer on it.

Standard Core Routine: 2 sets

Bicycle: 10 x each leg

Plank: :30

Marching Bridge: :60

Side Plank: :30 each side. 

Bird Dogs: 10

Yoga: Water Series A

That time I hit the Powerball(then fell from grace)

It's always exciting when you hit that Powerball. Your mind starts racing with all the things you'll get. Live-in Playboy Centerfold hooker, Ferrari, Case of Pappy Van Winkle and of course an authentic felt Dogs Playing Poker painting. Then, as always, reality sets back in as you notice you didn't get a single one of the other 5 balls right. Congratulations, you just won 4 bucks!!

So with that being said. Any single hairdressers, Yoga Instructors, or that Playboy Centerfold interested in a guy who recently became a 4-Dolleraire should consider looking up The Dilnad!

Note: Just in case things work out, Prenups are not negotiable. Don't think you can just come over, frolic for awhile, and then make off with 2 of my dollars.

CHAPTER 2

Why thank you Alex. I'll take "Things that suck" for $1000 please

So the surgery knee has healed up quite well. The other knee however, um, yeah(Lumbergh Voice)...

According to my physical therapist, while my left knee was healing and I was hobbling around, my right glute and hip flexor got stiff.(yes, even in your late 40s your glutes can still get stiff like when you were younger. It's a cruel world). This caused me to bruise the cartilage under my right kneecap (Or Patellofemorol Pain Syndrome which gets a lot more sympathy). The good news is I was able to run through it. Just had to give up some lifting stuff and downhill running for a bit to help keep the pressure down on the knee. I was getting better and feeling fairly decent, and then.....

I don't know what happened. I was running Black Willow Trail in The Parklands when at just shy of 1.25 miles, I crossed a small creek bed. The hill on either side was barely 6 feet. The moment I crested it I got that sharp pain under the knee cap. Naturally, you get to follow this up with the walk back to the car. A 1.25 mile walk what seems to stop time as your mind starts wondering how you can possibly train for your next race if you cant run. GAME OVER! Insert Coins. 

I don't know how long I'll be down for but this is a clear indication that I'm done running until this is healed. Got a call in to the PT. Hopefully this injury can be measured in weeks not months because hours could seem like days.

So what to do? I thought I'd take a cue from Adam over at The Boring Runner (His blog is very entertaining and he's fighting a much bigger battle than I with way more resolve to not whine like a little wuss. Definitely worth the read!)and try my hand at swimming. I see several problems with this.

* I haven't swam in 30+ years

* I don't even know if I remember how to swim the crawl stroke

* I don't know if I have the courage to not make a fool out of myself (which I'm adept at)

* Do I like swimming?

* Can I afford another sport?

* Even Adam had a difficult time with it and he has athletic skills. See below for a comparison

In the end. I suspect I'm going to suck at swimming but if It helps me maintain my endurance, I'm all in.

******

The Boring Crap:

8/24

Run: 5.01 miles. 10:24 pace, 179 spm

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),

Pull Ups: The round, the zero, the symbol of null and void.... Ayep, couldn't pull it off tonight. Kent pointed out that right now pull ups for me are a 1-3 rep max and you don't usually do max lifts at the end of your routine so it's not unreasonable I couldn't do them tonight. I did 3 long lower and hangs though. Will go back to repping some on the resistance bands the rest of the week to further build the strength.

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 5.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1456.82

8/25

Yoga: Water Series A

8/26

Run Club - Wed: 4.01 miles, 11:02 pace, 172 spm. Pace is a little low but I ran the first 1.5 miles with Basil at his Couch to 5K pace. Knee bugs me when I run really slow. As soon as I got back up near 10m/m the pain left. I think I can't keep my form when running slower.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Pull up practice: 3x10 with resistance band

Push-Ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 9.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1452.81

8/27

Trail Run: 1.19 miles, 10:40 pace, 175 SPM. + knee blowout + walk back out of the woods.

Weekly Mileage: 10.20 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1451.62

Race Report(So no sarcasm)

Last night was my first relay. It was a very small 5K relay run by a local running club(Actually there was a 5k and a 10k but with me having some bruised patella cartilage, we decided to take it easy and run the 5k for fun). Teams can be any number up to 5 people. I ran it with my friend Robbie and we had a blast. The rules say the whole team runs the final 1K lap. I ran 1st, 3rd and 5th. Robbie ran 2nd, 4th and 5th.

It's pretty easy to come out of the chute running hard when you know a rest is only 4 minutes or so away and that's what we did. We ran faster than we ever have before and with both keeping a solid sub 8 minute pace, we finished in 24:33 with a 7:50 pace. It was good enough to finish second. Obviously we need to be a lot faster for a large race but we had a great time, ran the best we ever have, got swag, and went home with no new injuries. WIN!

Run clothing was in no way intentionally coordinated.

Ok, I know this isn't quite PC but considering the glow of our shirts, we were "Team Fukushima"

******

8/21/15

Run: 1.86 miles. No telemetry. Too much going on with passing the band(pseudo-baton). Forgot to stop watch

Weekly Mileage: 8.64 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1464.33

Gained a pound. Need to finish this recovery, get my mileage back to full and lose my gym restrictions. Meh. No other changes

Weight - 205.5

Body Fat - 19.1

BMI - 28.5

Shoulders - 46

Neck - 16

Chest - 43

Bicep right - 12.5

Bicep - left - 12.5

Waist - 39

Hips - 38

Thigh - right - 21.5

Thigh - left - 21.5

8/22/15

Run: 2.5 miles. 9:39 pace, 178 spm. Loving the cadence. Knee(actually both of them) was feeling pretty darn good. I'm rather pleased.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),

Pull Ups: 1x3(3rd was pretty damn messy), 2x1 + lower and hang. 3 Pull-ups!!! Very excited!

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Still on restriction from Squats, deadlifts and loaded lunges.

Weekly Mileage: 11.15 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1461.83

Your brain (AKA that lying sack of sh**)

You heard me. Your brain is a lying sack of sh**. LITERALLY. It's a fleshy bag containing feces. This is a fact I learned during my studying at Johns Hopkins(or perhaps it was a drunken bender in the Baltimore area as I can't seem to find my diploma anywhere? Either way, fabricated facts make for a more interesting blog). 

Like most sacks of sh**, it lies(another fact).

Huh?

An example: I was bench pressing with 55lb dumbbells(Because I'm He-Man strong. My muscles just don't know it yet). I've been on 55lbs for weeks. I simply can't handle more. I'm struggling to barely press the 55s. I told Kent from my local gym this and he walked to the rack, grabbed two 60 pound dummbells, dropped them on the floor in front of me and said "Press". "But, but, but" "trust me, do it". So I did. You know what? I pressed those 60 pounders pretty much just like I did the 55s. But I thought I couldn't lift any heavier.

Another example: Possibly this has happened to you. "I can't do it. I'm spent. I am not going to make it another mile". Then you run another 3 miles anyway, WTF? How does this all work? 

Your brain is victim to a scientific process call STIWM (Screw that, I want Munchies). You see, the brain hates running, lifting, working. What is loves is, eating, sitting, sleeping and watching Firefly reruns. 

Here's an example of STIWM....

Legs: Ok, time to get out the door and crank out a quick 5 miles.

Brain: Dude, it's the episode where the bounty hunter comes after River and I got a fresh bag of Cheesy Rings

Better Jugement: But I think it's better for us to run, be healthy and prepare for your race

Brain: Did you hear me? a WHOLE BAG OF CHEESY RINGS. Not the Chipotle Ranch grocery store knockoffs mind you. I'm talking a full bag of original nacho cheese flavored.

Body: You know...... I am feeling kind of worn down and could use a day off

Better Judgement: <Mouth Full> Glarmaghhsfnifflke

GAME OVER! You have been defeated by your brain. Please insert coins

Again, your brain is a lying sack of sh**. Learn your body's limits. Trust your training and take control of your brain!

******

Mon 8/17

Run: 2.99 miles, 10:04 pace, 177spm

Dumbell Bench Press: 2x8 @120lb (60lb dumbbells), 1x5@120

Barbell Back Squats: 3x5 @95lb. 2x5 @115lb

Pull Ups: 1x2, 2x lower and hang Second Pull-up in a row = PR

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Kettlebell RDLs: 3x8 with 2x25lb KBs

Negative Split Squats: 3x8

Weekly Mileage: 2.99mi

Miles to Mordor: 1469.97

Wed 8/19

Run Club - Wed: 3.78 miles. 11:32 Pace, 172 spm. Ran Week 6, day 2 or 3 with Basil for the first 2 miles or so. I was keeping pace with him just shy of 13mi/mi

Pull Up Practice: 1x1, 3xJump up and negative lower+hang

Push-Ups: 3x10

Weekly Mileage: 6.78 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1466.19

The things I've learned about yoga

I've been actively following online yoga classes for several days. I can clearly see the benefit this will have to my running and overall flexibility. It is, however, challenging in many ways.

1: You cannot possibly look manly while doing yoga
2: Yoga instructors explanations seem to stop time while you're performing contortionist imitations
3: Testicles are not a boon for performing this activity
4: It's hard to watch the person giving instructions while you're staring back between your own legs
5: Sweat Happens(promise)
6: Falling is not a pose
7: Tomorrow's gonna suck in the soreness department
8: Ladies dig guys who do online yoga (this is more of a hope than an observation)
9: Clip art of men doing yoga doesn't seem to exist
10: I can't come up with a 10th thing to fill this list

The Basic Yoga poses:

Break Dancer

Stoned Horse

Tyrannosaur Penis

I must admit I'm enjoying it and physically feel the benefits. I'm also not waking up with muscles as tight as previously. Good stuff!

Photo Shoot:  Dilnad Studios,  2015

All models were at least 18 years of age at the time of photo shoot. Model releases available upon request

******

Run Club - Sat: 3.65 miles, 9:46 pace,  177 spm. The legs felt really good. No knee pain. I'm ready to dial it up. Will still spend another week off hills per Ryan's recommendation. Speed work to begin this coming Saturday.

5K relay coming this Friday

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 1x8 @110lb (55lb dumbbells), 2x8@120 (60lb dumbbells) PR!
Barbell Back Squats: 5x5 @95lb. First loaded squats since May. Starting easy

Pull Ups: 1x1, 2x lower and hang

Push-ups: 3x10
Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 9.94 mi

Miles to Mordor: 1472.96

No changes. Actually up 0.3 pounds from last week but MEH.  Running and fitness is back in the picture so I suspect I'll start shedding again. This will mark my 1 year in the academy weigh-in making my total loss since joining at 64 pounds. (total all time loss of 122)

8/15

Weight - 204.5

Body Fat - 19.3

BMI - 28.3

Shoulders - 46

Neck - 16

Chest - 43

Bicep right - 12.5

Bicep - left - 12.5

Waist - 39

Hips - 38

Thigh - right - 21.5

Thigh - left - 21.5

Today's blog will not be particularly fun(for you. I enjoyed the hell out of the run). Sometimes I just need to log some data. And then other times I write something up and then decide it sucks(but still need to post data). This has been one of those times.

...And once again, I make my return to running (anyone taking bets on how long it will be this time?)

My first trail run. A mostly gravel trail with some steep sides, flat stone lined, dried up creeks and some areas of running on 1" rocks. Takes some extra balance and feels like a bit of an ankle workout. The wooded areas were quite peaceful. I rather enjoyed it. Trails are now on my list. 

Today was also my first run without the music crutch. I decided someday my headset or musical device will fail right before a race. I wanted to know what it's like to run without jacking in for once. I didn't mind it at all. Kind of peaceful and a great time to think about stuff, like writing a shitty blog post that you later toss out.

I ran very easy today as I tested out the knee. The steri strips are still in place and didn't bug me at all. The knee felt quite solid. It is a little sore still when I lunge. I think I bruised it when I whacked it. The other knee was also solid today. I've been massaging the patellar tendon and stretching the quads per my physical therapists advice. Ryan is the man!

Trail Run: 3 miles, 10:43 pace, 175 spm. I think the deep gravel slows me down a bit. Another assumption of the fledgling runner when the reality of it is I'm probably just slow. The cheap New Balance trail shoes from Dicks worked just fine. Very comfortable.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

NerdFitness Yoga Water Series A: That shit puts a hurtin' on ya

Weekly Mileage: 6.29 mi

Miles to Mordor: 1476.61