The Dilnad can!

Race Report

I had this thought. I do that on occasion although they’re predominantly useless ones(as today’s most likely is). If they let all the runners start the race before all the walkers, we wouldn’t have to jam on the brakes to keep from accidentally sodomizing strangers who are intentionally moving slower than us. I know, CRAZY TALK you’re thinking but I tell you, it could work. Of course if the walkers didn’t line up at the front of the pack next to Jesse Owen’s grandchildren(assuming you don’t walk a 4 minute mile), this problem would also kind of solve itself, but I digress(Can I say that before I’ve gotten on subject? Oh well, I can say it now).

It’s like something went snap. it was summer and we were battling 95 degree heat indexes with 6700 percent humidity and then boom! Windy, chilly, basically a Winnie The Poohish Blustery day. 49 degrees, windy, drizzly. Pretty much some pretty crappy weather for standing around waiting for a race to start. Very comfortable however for racing(after a mile or two at least).

I managed to find Robbie and his family as I was walking in from the car. We hung out for awhile, and of course waited in long lines to use the water closets, also known as “Porta Potties” with big bowls of blue aromatherapy liquid exuding the lovely smell of the park in the morning. Hang around a bit, locate the starting line, look at the time, and OH SHIT!.....

So it’s 8:51 AM and my headphones are in the car some half a mile away. Great job Captain Jackass. I’ve never run without music and I don’t think a new race is the time to try a new approach. Off I bound, in the opposite direction of all the people arriving late. Make it to my car and back to the starting line a minute or two late, huffing and puffing. Fortunately, the race was late as they usually are and I had a few minutes to catch my breath as the Star Spangled Banner was sung and they gave some information that I couldn’t hear.

It was actually a rather routine but hard run. There was a monster hill(or what you experienced runners probably call a speed bump) but it was short and I crested it before I gassed out. A couple more little hills and it was downhill and flat sailing to the end. I actually got to spend a couple of miles running and chatting with a couple of ladies from run club and then later, a guy who trains with Robbie at the local Fleet Feet for a marathon.  It really took my mind off the fact that I was keeping up a pace I’ve never come close to at distance(and 6.2 miles to me is still a distance run). In the end, I met my goal of completing the race without the need to walk and in under an hour. Official time is 58:04 with a 9:21 pace.

One interesting point of note(Interesting to me. You don’t actually have to read this garbage): My heart rate topped out at 201 today. Pretty impressive for a guy with a theoretical max heart rate of 173. My best guess is that one fart (which fortunately turned out to only be a fart. You’d understand if you were a runner), may have propelled me briefly, allowing me to operate in excess of my factory specifications, for a short time, in some sort of bio-mechanical turbocharger kind of thing. I’m going with this theory as I like it much more than the obvious answer of both your HR monitor and the max heart rate formulas are mere approximations.

PICS:

This guy is crazy. I had to have a pic with him. His girlfriend had on the identical outfit. The things we will do!

The chocolate chip bagel and chocolate moo juice, post race satisfied look

It's hard to see but the date is 10/17/15. I actually ran so fast (88 MPH I assume) that I was able to time travel. That's badass. Chicks dig guys who can time travel, probably.

Mini Marathons. I got my you in my sights!