Swami I am (Race report)

Who knew I could be so accurate at prediction(I suppose I should have if I'm throwing the swami flag)?

A prediction run:
What a wonderful type of race. It doesn't matter if you run fast like a Cheetah or slow like a Gila Monster, you have an equal chance of winning. It isn't about speed but about consistency in your running.

Before the race begins you go to the signup sheet, grab your race bib, hold it to your forehead, predict your 5K finish time, and write your name and the predicted time on the sheet. Winners being those finishing closest to their actual prediction time. Wait around a little bit (like any race) and then line up at the starting line. Before you start you are told to remove ALL electronics. Naturally I asked about pace makers, headlamps and flashing LEDs to be told they were exceptions(never miss an opportunity to be a wise ass).

This was a fun one because I was not pressured to run hard, else I would have needed to skip it as the knee is still healing(and nicely at that).  I'm a rather consistent runner. most of my runs are within 15 seconds on pace so I figured I had a good shot at placing.  Of course I didn't know the course, how many hills there would be or how steep(it was very few and rather shallow) they were so it was a bit of a guessing game. I also had no idea how much electronics impact my running.

Huff, puff, wheeze, choke, gurgle. These were the wonderful sounds gracing my ears as a ran. I'm accustomed to stuff more like Soul Coughing than actual coughing. but I suppose it's nice to know what a sexy sounding man I am not when I run<cackle>. It's a totally different experience without my music player.

How did it end? I didn't win. I didn't even finish in the top twelve(Places announced for honorable mention). 12th place was 48 seconds off prediction and I was 1:07. Oh well. Good times and two important lessons taken away...

I am amazing at making predictions!(just give it to me and roll with it)
I suck at running to those predictions <G>

Prizes:
3rd: A bag of Skratch sports drink powder
2nd: Superfeet inserts
1st: A cool pair of retro Saucony street shoes

Big thanks to Fleet Feet Louisville who once again knocked it out of the park with a free race, interesting concept and free goodies. They are huge supporters of running in Louisville. much love!!

Surfin’ The Highlands

81 degrees. A cool breeze rolling off the ocean. White caps. Breakers crashing over the pier leaving a sweet salty mist in the air. Beach bunnies playing volleyball. White nosed lifeguards with their orange floaties. None of these things were present as I hit the waves today.

A mystery(to me) of running is why we will run in conditions that score highly on the “F that” scale. 48 degrees, drizzly, glum, sure, let’s run…..

I was a bit chilly as the drizzle kept me just damp enough for the cool breeze to drop my body temp to just below comfortable. In the end, it was a pretty uneventful run as far as the running goes. In fact, I only almost got hit by an inattentive driver once during the entire run(sadly, this is not an attempt at humor but a harsh reality).

Rain is smart. It loves to wait until you’re several miles in before it graces you with it’s presence so it can laugh at your inability to do anything about the situation. It did not disappoint this morning, It hit right at the halfway point of my 6 miler. It kind of came on like a creeper. Not super hard, just super steady. Before I knew it I was knee deep(fortunately not literally) in the joys of chilly rain running and experiencing all the magic it brings with it.

Water has absolutely no adhesive properties whatsoever when in an isolated state. Add a catalyst however like, say, a polyester shirt, and suddenly it’s as sticky as a chocolate milk stain on linoleum. This adhesive reaction causes your shirt to stick to and adhere to every um, curve of your upper body. If I were chiseled like a Malibu lifeguard, that might not be such a bad thing. Unfortunately I don’t rock a Speedo for a reason!

Another fun part about the rain is technology. Tire technology to be specific(No, I don’t run with tires. Hang with me here. It’s going somewhere <eek, tire joke?>). The modern automobile tire has evolved very considerably over the years. The manufacturers have become quite adept at channeling water away from the vehicle. They achieve this by channeling it on to the sidewalk in a spraying fashion(Ahh, there’s that salty sweet ocean mist) The problem here being that I run on the sidewalk

The pinnacle of the sidewalk surfing experience being when you get to hang, errr, slosh ten! The puddle never actually looks that deep but in you go and all 10 piggies get a nice chilly bath. Slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh. You make that spongy sounding noise for a mile or so, until you’ve stomped the excess water off, or hit another puddle and reset the counter.

Essentially running in the rain sucks, or it should suck. I’m not sure why, but I’d gladly do it again and thoroughly enjoy it again as I did this morning. I’m like the mouse that doesn’t learn from the electrical shocks and just keeps trying to get the cheese over and over.

Surf’s up? Lets run…..

My Full House got cracked(Race Report)

In the absence of an overpair on the board, I would normally have no problems pushing all-in on a 10s full boat. Of course this was not a typical poker game, nor was it a typical race(because I actually won a prize). This was the New Balance Poker Run @Fleet Feet.

A rather interesting concept. Before the start you receive 2 playing cards, plus a third if you try on a pair of New Balance running shoes which you were allowed to run in for the evening. I was given an extra card anyway because they were unable to fit someone with a size 13 + Sasquatch width foot(they can only bring so many shoes with them and mine alone fill a small truck). Then out you go to the track(where track = a lap around a 1/2 mile city block). The race then begins(can you call this a race? Sorta? Kinda?) and around you go. Each time you pass go, you collect a new playing card(unfortunately, no 200 dollars). Once you hit 5 total, you must turn in a card before you draw a card. Your goal being to make the best possible 5 card poker hand. You may stop at any time you feel you want to play the hand you've got. Else, you're forced to stop(You probably could keep running but they stop giving you cards) at the 1 hour mark(which was actually like 50 minutes as we started with a safety chat and instructions which is a pretty good idea with 50 people running in the road at night with cars) and play whatever you have. The speed advantage here being the fast folks get to draw more cards than the rest of us(They say you shouldn't call yourself slow so I declare I'm simply not fast). After the end, everyone turns in their cards and prizes are handed out to the top 10 hands (table full of prizes and first place chooses first, etc)

Once I got 10s full of Jacks, I decided to stick with what I had. With less than half an hour left I didn't see my odds good of improving my hand and knowing my luck, the opposite was more likely. I did continue to run laps until I got my planned 4 miles in for my Wednesday run, but I sat on the cards I had(which is rather difficult to do while running). I stopped about 15 minutes before the end and turned in my cards where I was placed on the leader-board and was looking in first place(Me? first place? Another reason this couldn't possibly be a race).

So I hung out for a bit looking at all the gear that I wanted and can't afford(For some reason, no matter where you shop,  running gear is more expensive than black market, diamond encrusted, baby seal skin leather boots)while waiting for the others to finish. As they came in, I started to see some um. less than ideal poker hands(for me) coming in. 5 of a kind deuces, quad somethings, bigger boats than mine. By the time it was done I was in 6th place. 

So what did I learn? Poker skills do not translate to poker runs. Poker hand values are greatly deflated. Running in circles is not as fun as it would sound(Not sure why it sounds fun. You're weird). This was a really fun experience!!

In the end I won this nice running visor and a cool beer koozie(gave it away to someone who drinks beer so no photo. They don't make canned bourbon and I'm ok with that fact).  Some other folks also won some awesome wool running shirts, a foot massager, some socks. Lots of cool prizes!

I had a fantastic time. Thanks to Fleet Feet Louisville(much love!!), New Balance, Trigger Point, and the employees who worked hard to make this great and completely free event happen and for hooking us up with some pretty cool prizes!! You all rule!!

More Fleet Feet fun type runs coming this holiday season. I'm sure your eyes are riveted to the screen awaiting my blog update of them! (Wow your life must be boring)

I've got nothing!

I haven't had a blog update in a bit. Why? Because I've got nothing. I usually write(or do something resembling writing. I mean, bad writing is still writing, isn't it?) about actual occurrences in my life that are comical(based on my own unqualified assessment), with some of my own personal fitness(where 'fitness' = running) accomplishments, with the goal of getting cheesy "go get em champ" recognition from those who outclass me in my own sport(you know, pretty much everyone). Fortunately my goals are based on beating my own previous achievements and I don't outclass myself(so my ego is safe). None of that stuff has happened in the last couple of weeks so not much to write about. Racing season is done. Nothing on the schedule until the Louisville Triple Crown series in February. Just an easy relaxing couple of months until I start training in January. That means life is boring and again, I got nothing.

With all that being said(Where 'that' = pretty much nothing), I guess I should waste a few keystrokes on my most recent WTF experience(there's always stuff I can be pissed about)

So back in the day I had a 3-speed bicycle. It had a lever you'd flip with your thumb. Gear goes up, bike goes faster, peddling gets harder. A pretty simple technology. Then the 10-speed bike came on the scene. A bit more tricky. You had 2 levers, not to difficult. You knew how to shift gears and you had 10 usable gears that increased sequentially. Surely the future will hold new technologies that will provide us with more gears and be easier to use. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Enter the mountain bike. We now have 21 speeds for you to use......well, not exactly. You do indeed have 21 speeds(term used extremely loosely) but you can't actually use 21 speeds and we no longer refer to them as 13th gear or 10th, because well, I don't really get it myself.  There are 3 positions on the left shifter that shift to the 3 chain rings(big gears in front). 7 positions on the right. You refer to them as 4th on the small chain ring, 3rd on the middle, etc. Now get this. You can't really use the first or 7th position on the right shifter because the chain rubs and makes noise. Those are not entirely good things. Now with 3 chain rings and 2 unusable gears, that brings us to 6 thus lowering our usable gears to 15(Holy crap! He can do math?) but wait, there's more(Here comes the cheesy free steak knife offer). Some of the gears on certain chain rings are actually the same gear ratio as others thus losing more gears but how many? <shrug> All I can tell you is I have somewhere between six and eleventeen gears on my 21 speed bike.

Advances in technology. Good stuff!!

I've fallen and I CAN get up

That’s right, you heard me. I blew it, fell off the wagon, screwed the pooch, had sex on my back(you know. F***ed up?).

I know what you’re thinking.  This can’t be possible! Dilnad is a demigod. He’s infallible. If he had hair it would never stop blowing in the sphere of hero wind that constantly surrounds him. He has to wear sunglasses indoors because the sun still shines on him. Assuming this is true, I must come to one of the following conclusions….

• You don’t know me at all!
• You huff paint
• You’re blind (still working on this one)
• You’re a pretty, single woman who has free climbed Mt Gullibility in which case I’d love to take to dinner in Monaco on my private jet. FYI - wearing panties can cause air sickness. Just sayin’. (Please let this be the answer, and someone loan me a jet)

The truth is I did screw up, And I have screwed up in the past. Getting healthy isn’t easy!

So the half marathon totally fried my legs. Running 40% further than you ever have can have that effect. I pretty much had to take the whole week off from running. Add to that my need to take things light on lifting due to a minor rotator cuff injury and diet was critically important. Naturally my brain interpreted this to mean, “eat like shit” and who am I to turn down a challenge? It started with all the free pre-Halloween goodies at the office.  Bad decisions ensued. Beefy Logs, Cheesy Poofs, Gahagafaga, crappy restaurant decisions. It went on for nearly the whole week. Naturally I’m back, running, strength training and eating healthy. This isn’t the first time I went on a bender. Probably won’t be the last. No harm done. Well, maybe a tiny pride hit.

You know what? It’s OK to screw up. Really! There’s no reset counter in health and fitness. You can start again as many times as you like. We all do. The important part is you must see when you've gone astray and you need to stop it, and stop it immediately. You have to gather the courage and declare “HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE DIRTY AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!” (Holy shit! A Stanley Spadowski reference! That should be a triple word score in the blogosphere!)and then act on it! Clean things up, and do it now!

No matter how bad your screw up was, it just doesn’t matter. What you did yesterday is done, over, fin. or in the almighty words of Mr Spock “The matter has been rendered academic”. What we must do is shake it off, just like an Etch A Sketch, and start over. WIN!

Race Report: Did that just happen?

13.1. You’ve seen the sticker (maybe) but what does it mean?

The Layman:

WTF is that? A radio station???

Bible Verse?

Genital measurement(probably metric)?

The Runner:

Do you have beer and wings?

Follow me to the nearest physical therapist

Chocolate milk kicks ass

DUDE! I completed a half marathon!! (13.1 miles)

Why put it on your car?

I didn’t understand myself before yesterday(But I knew I had to have one)....

I had the rare opportunity to run the Urban Bourbon Half Marathon yesterday. I was not prepared for this whatsoever. My long run was a smidgen north of 8 miles. The plan was to run my first half in April (the next one we have here) but due to the generosity of my employer, I had the opportunity to participate for free (Free? Big fan!!). It was obvious I’d need to walk or even take a short rest stop to do this but I was determined.

It started out like a typical race. Running on cold legs that bitched every inch of the first mile or two and then finally hit a relaxed run. I was running with the Fleet Feet 2:20 pacers(They will adjust their run to cross the finish line at the 2:20 mark. if you run with them, so will you) and everything was going smoothly. At mile 4 we entered Cherokee Park. I’m used to, and actually(or masochistically) enjoy, the hills there so I’d just relax and cruise through them. I was not however,  familiar with Barrett Hill. That sucker was brutal. There was actually fire shooting out of my calves(true story, probably) but I muscled up it(pseudopun not intended Crossfitters). After that, the rest of the park wasn’t so bad.

Next thing you know, we are passing 8 miles and I’m in new territory. All the way along the pacers were cheering me on(we ended up a very small group). Telling me they aren’t letting me drop behind (not that I actually was). Just generally non stop motivating. They even kept me chatting some about running to take my mind off the distance(which I was declaring as a countdown on the miles to free bourbon scale). When we hit 10 miles I began telling myself that all I gotta do is run a 5K. I do that for a quick recovery run now. No problem….. Yes problem. My calves were cramping and crying and my feet were throbbing ridiculously but I was so damn close. I had to fight my way across the finish line but I crossed it with my pacers in 2:19:43 with a 10:39 avg pace. Certainly not fast but I RAN A HALF MARATHON!!! Not bad for an 8 mile runner.

Crossing the finish line is an unbelievable feeling. A wave of emotion I simply cannot explain. I can only imagine what it feels like after 26.2(but faint at the concept of getting there). Next time I see either one of those stickers, I’ll understand the joy the driver felt and will hopefully get a warm fuzzy.

The finish line goodies were the icing on the cake (there was no cake but they did have a truck selling bacon covered frosted donuts). Water, Powerade, chocolate milk(The beloved moo juice!), bagels, four free bourbon tastings, a beer(The line was almost as long as the bathroom line before the race), slice of pizza, and a cup of Burgoo.

PS: I can't say enough good about the Fleet Feet pace team. There is just no way I'd have been able to fight my way through had it not been for those ladies. Hats off to team 2:20!

PICS!!!

Showing off my hand dipped in wax, Evan Williams Bourbon Bottle finisher's medal.

Because why not?

Robbie and I, another one down. Was with him for his first 5K, both of our first 10K and now our first half. What's next? His wife Laura also did a virtual 5k for charity along with us. No pic of her because she's our official photographer and on the other side of the camera but trust me, she rules!!

Look who I ran in to? Theresa was there to support our friend Marci(Or so I thought). Marci also completed her first half today. Couldn't find her after the race but did run in to her back at the parking ramp. I suspect she's feeling as achy as I am today(She's getting her own 13.1 sticker at work tomorrow. Hope she doesn't read this today). Well surprise, not only was Theresa prepared to cheer for Marci but she had myself and our corporate team in mind as well (she made 3 signs). She kicks ass! Thanks Theresa!!!

.....and the word of the day is:

32.1869 kilometers. Why?

My biggest running week yet. You're probably doing math right now and wondering why I used the metric system to tell you of this irrelevant achievement(or more likely, you don't give a shit). The answer being that I want to appear more worldly and desirable to the international female demographic of my reader base(all 1 of them? If I’m lucky).

It’s actually not all that impressive of a number. Thousands of marathoners probably did that or a greater distance on a training run or race this morning. Still, for a fledgling runner it marks a plateau reached and one I’ve fought hard for.

Why did I do it?

Wednesday I ran 5 miles. Thursday my legs ached so I went out and ran 8 miles.

Why did I do it?

My feet ache

Why did I do it?

My knees ache

Why did I do it?

My toe hurts (Ok, I guess dropping a bar of soap on your toe in the shower doesn't count. BTW this was not a prison shower so all was safe).

Why did I do it?

I am not this person. I am not an athlete. I should be sitting on the sofa eating a Big Kahuna Burger and watching Firefly Reruns (Rather than sitting at a desk, watching New Jack City and typing a blog about sitting on the sofa eating Big Kahuna Burgers. WTF?). I am a lazy guy. I do not run, bike and lift....errr, well, I shouldn't be doing that stuff.

I honestly don’t know why I put myself through this torture. I don’t know what I’m running towards or away from. I don’t know why I felt it important to run 20 miles in a week. I don’t know why I will be running 22 in a few weeks. I know I will be, but I don’t know why…..

I have an addiction

Shoes, WTF? This seems like an ailment more often afflicting the ladies(I’m not stereotyping. I hired a team of scientists and did a 1000 person case study and base my statements on empirical evidence, or just made it up). Perhaps that means I’m a lady(And a pretty damn grizzly looking one at that)? I performed a test via some websites that are so top secret their domain suffix has to be masked with .xxx and have concluded the aforementioned theory is invalid leaving me with but one conclusion. Running shoes are laced with some sort of substance that makes me need more.

They feel awesome in the store (The New Shoe Placebo Effect). Take them home and run. OMFG, these are the greatest shoes ever. Then there’s 50 miles later. They are a bit too narrow, too soft, too firm, all the things that didn’t happen in the store. So back to the store you go and you try on some more shoes and OMFG these feel amazing (I swear it’s a drug or something) so you buy them. Rinse and repeat.

I can’t stop. I feel like Pookie when he says “The shit just be callin’ me”. Do I need some sort of shoe methadone? Maybe I should score a pair of Cheeseburger Chucks to wean me off the running shoes?

How about you?

Race Report

I had this thought. I do that on occasion although they’re predominantly useless ones(as today’s most likely is). If they let all the runners start the race before all the walkers, we wouldn’t have to jam on the brakes to keep from accidentally sodomizing strangers who are intentionally moving slower than us. I know, CRAZY TALK you’re thinking but I tell you, it could work. Of course if the walkers didn’t line up at the front of the pack next to Jesse Owen’s grandchildren(assuming you don’t walk a 4 minute mile), this problem would also kind of solve itself, but I digress(Can I say that before I’ve gotten on subject? Oh well, I can say it now).

It’s like something went snap. it was summer and we were battling 95 degree heat indexes with 6700 percent humidity and then boom! Windy, chilly, basically a Winnie The Poohish Blustery day. 49 degrees, windy, drizzly. Pretty much some pretty crappy weather for standing around waiting for a race to start. Very comfortable however for racing(after a mile or two at least).

I managed to find Robbie and his family as I was walking in from the car. We hung out for awhile, and of course waited in long lines to use the water closets, also known as “Porta Potties” with big bowls of blue aromatherapy liquid exuding the lovely smell of the park in the morning. Hang around a bit, locate the starting line, look at the time, and OH SHIT!.....

So it’s 8:51 AM and my headphones are in the car some half a mile away. Great job Captain Jackass. I’ve never run without music and I don’t think a new race is the time to try a new approach. Off I bound, in the opposite direction of all the people arriving late. Make it to my car and back to the starting line a minute or two late, huffing and puffing. Fortunately, the race was late as they usually are and I had a few minutes to catch my breath as the Star Spangled Banner was sung and they gave some information that I couldn’t hear.

It was actually a rather routine but hard run. There was a monster hill(or what you experienced runners probably call a speed bump) but it was short and I crested it before I gassed out. A couple more little hills and it was downhill and flat sailing to the end. I actually got to spend a couple of miles running and chatting with a couple of ladies from run club and then later, a guy who trains with Robbie at the local Fleet Feet for a marathon.  It really took my mind off the fact that I was keeping up a pace I’ve never come close to at distance(and 6.2 miles to me is still a distance run). In the end, I met my goal of completing the race without the need to walk and in under an hour. Official time is 58:04 with a 9:21 pace.

One interesting point of note(Interesting to me. You don’t actually have to read this garbage): My heart rate topped out at 201 today. Pretty impressive for a guy with a theoretical max heart rate of 173. My best guess is that one fart (which fortunately turned out to only be a fart. You’d understand if you were a runner), may have propelled me briefly, allowing me to operate in excess of my factory specifications, for a short time, in some sort of bio-mechanical turbocharger kind of thing. I’m going with this theory as I like it much more than the obvious answer of both your HR monitor and the max heart rate formulas are mere approximations.

PICS:

This guy is crazy. I had to have a pic with him. His girlfriend had on the identical outfit. The things we will do!

The chocolate chip bagel and chocolate moo juice, post race satisfied look

It's hard to see but the date is 10/17/15. I actually ran so fast (88 MPH I assume) that I was able to time travel. That's badass. Chicks dig guys who can time travel, probably.

Mini Marathons. I got my you in my sights!

The Butt. An amazing scientific discovery

That’s right. It isn’t just for trying to look like you aren’t looking at it, the rump has roles in society. It’s the mount point for the hinges that hold your legs(big fan). Your body’s counterweight and waste product pumping station. It’s the swivel point for your torso and it houses the largest muscle in the body(Sorry guys. I Googled it multiple times and can’t get the answer I’d hoped for), the Gluteus Maximus. Then there’s my favorite function. It allows the body to rest upon it while distributing your weight for maximum comfort. Knowing how luck runs in my world, this is naturally where the problem begins(I can, and probably do, use this sentence in just about every blog post)….

When used outside of manufacturer's specifications, the butt doesn’t always perform at peak efficiency(yeah, this could go really South from here but probably won’t. It’s morning and I’m not drinking). An example might be attempting to minimize the surface area of weight distribution when seated. Please refer to the below image and explanation of the problem.

In the picture on the left, you see a properly designed device that utilizes the weight distribution features of the posterior. The image on the right is a medieval torture device that is designed to cause discomfort, make you walk like a cowboy and the use of qualifies as an illegal act in 36 states(a fabricated metric). The latter image being the default interface point of my newest cross training toy….

Cycling seems rather fun but is also designed to test your level of comfort(or discomfort) in your own skin. A great example of this is the below image.

That’s about as outside as you will ever see me in those shorts. I could not make it out of the breezeway before declaring “F*** this”. I’ve been rockin’ a pair of running shorts on top for those ever since(For those who don't know, cycling shorts have padding in them to reduce the torture thus why I don't just forego them entirely).

I must admit, I find cycling to be pretty enjoyable. Put in just over 21 miles with my friend Rick yesterday. It’s not a bad workout, keeps you cooler than running, and certainly poops you out just as efficiently. This is a good cross-training choice for me because, let’s be honest, even I’d bet on me getting another running injury and this is a nice backup.

Swimming with Pterodactyls and Titanic survivors   

With knee recovery going well, I decided to up my game and add in some cross training.  Got me some board shorts, a 2 week free membership to the YMCA and off we go...

Now the challenge here is I haven’t swam in 30 years.  I’m fairly sure I remember how to stay afloat but to actually swim the crawl stroke, not so much. Now I have become athletic in the last year and was a pretty decent swimmer in my younger days, I figured I’d have some natural ability. I estimate my aquatic prowess lands somewhere between Michael Phelps and Dennis Nedry. I’ll let you guess which side of that scale I lean towards (Hint: Michael Phelps has probably never Googled how to swim). So to begin with, I was lacking confidence.

It was a Sunday morning. The reported slowest time in the pool. I walked in planning to give this a try and that’s when I saw it. The pool was full of Titanic survivors in pink rubber bathing caps and green inflatable, prehistoric wings on their arms. There are multiple ones of them in each lap swimming lane. They were circle swimming, while performing the 10 minute lap doggie paddle. My confidence in this plan went through the floor and without missing a beat, put a whole lot of gone between myself and that place.

Hmmmm. New plan needed:

I was lying on my bed taking a bit of a rest when it hit me. I’m not sure how exactly a cat tail to the face brought me to this conclusion but cycling was the answer!

More on that soon…...

******

I'm back to my nearly 18mile/week regimen and the legs are feeling great. Going to hang out at this distance for several weeks (with a 7 mile long run) until after the great pumpkin 10K. Gonna do some hill practice, strides and Fartleking until then.

Note: The workout data on the second tab thing isn't working out. Just need to figure out how to do it without shitting up the main feed page.

RACE REPORT

Louisville Pure Tap 5K

The smell of high octane racing fuel. The ear shattering sounds of high performance engines firing up, the screaming of fans, tailgate parties. Ah the sights and sounds of race day. Unfortunately there were none of those yesterday.

Wet grass,  chilly breeze off the river, DJ playing bad music with lots of thumping bass, a giant water cup mascot who looks like he won a Master Shake look alike contest and enough colored shoes(Most of which can be seen in the above photo) to make Roy G Biv smile. That’s a typical foot race morning. Still rather exciting.

It was a wonderful day for everyone involved. PRs all around. It was especially sweet for Basil. He completed the Couch to 5K program while running his first 5K race. Big congratulations to him and welcome to your addiction!! Both Robbie and I finished in 26:03 with an 8:21 pace. In fact, we crossed the finish line side by side(took a bit of an extra sprint in the end to pull that off. He was about 30 feet up on me). Hopefully there are race photos because it would be pretty cool! And the icing on the cake is both Robbie’s Wife and Father are walkers who PRd. This was an epic morning.

This was the acid test of my knee recovery. Downhill is what caused my latest issue(with some help from laying around the house after surgery). This race had a half mile down hill run(naturally only after climbing up it). I experienced no discomfort. The knee was solid as a rock. Still ached a little last night but we are close to 100%. The surgery knee already is at 100%. Onward and upward.

Next Race: The Great Pumpkin 10K. It will be both Robbie and my first 10k race and in a very serene and beautiful park.

*****

Accountability must happen:

All this stuff is moving to "Battle Logs" page found from the tab/link at the top.

The great Kale fail

As part of my pay week routine, I stopped at my local supermarket after my Saturday run then workout. It was a typical trip. Take the long way around the store to gain extra steps. Carefully check ring fingers for the single female shoppers. Give the smile and nod to those who meet criteria while keeping the minimum distance required to diffuse my post gym sexy aroma of fermented running socks and dried sweat. Little did I know, this day was about to take a tragic turn.

I open the freezer door to grab my bi-weekly stock of Birdseye Steamfresh Chopped Kale. This stuff is amazing. I'd have to say it's even better than free porn(which is clearly a bold faced lie. Very little is better than free porn). The problem being that it wasn't there. Not an empty shelf but was replaced with some other frozen non Kaleish crap.

My breathing became labored as panic set in. I dropped to one knee, hands outstretched to the sky(Which in this particular case was an unfinished ceiling full of rafters, heat vents and bug encrusted skylights), as I cried WHY GOD WHY (because who doesn't appeal to a deity with their cruciferous vegetables woes?)!

As I lay there in the middle of the aisle bawling, a manager approached me to help resolve the situation. She showed me the store brand Kale but alas it wasn't microwave steamable. I did my best to explain to her that putting a bag in the magicwave and pushing 4-3-0 <Start> is pretty much the pinnacle of my cooking achievements. I am not yet sure if my appeal was sucessful.

Please, oh please, bring my Steamfresh Kale back for I am a lost soul without it!


NOTE: Portions of this story may employ a small amount of artistic license (where small = a ShitFuckTon<it's called CamelCase. Look it up>)

******

The technical junk

8/31
Run: 4.01 Miles. 10:03 Pace. 177 SPM. Knee felt good but it was very flat surface. I feel it hurt whenever I use any sort of lateral stability. We aren't healed yet but making ground.

Basic Leg Routine
One legged balance: :30 each leg
Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg
Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg
One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),
Pull Ups: 1x4, 1x4(40lb assist), 1x3(40lb assist)
Push-ups: 3x10
Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 4.01 miles
Miles to Mordor: 1445.61


9/1
Standard Core Routine: 2 sets
Bicycle: 10 x each leg
Plank: :30
Marching Bridge: :60
Side Plank: :30 each side.
Bird Dogs: 10

Yoga: Water Series B


9/2
Posted 02 September 2015 - 10:25 PM
Run: 5.01 miles. 10:29 pace, 170 spm (I think this messed up by my times grabbing my water bottle and drinking pooched my cadence). It was hot. Hot as balls. 95 degree heat index (35C). Hottest I've run in but I got that 5 mile barrier rebeaten and the knees feel pretty good.

Basic Leg Routine
One legged balance: :30 each leg
Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg
Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg
One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg


Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),
Pull Ups: 1x2, 2xlower plus hang. Not much steam for pull ups after today's run LOL
Push-ups: 3x10
Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 9.02 miles
Miles to Mordor: 1440.60


9/3
Recovery Run: 3.00 miles. 10:23 pace, 175 spm

Basic Leg Routine
One legged balance: :30 each leg
Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg
Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg
One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Weekly Mileage: 12.02 miles
Miles to Mordor: 1437.60


9/4
Standard Core Routine: 2 sets
Bicycle: 10 x each leg
Plank: :30
Marching Bridge: :60
Side Plank: :30 each side.
Bird Dogs: 10


9/5
Weight went up 2-3 pounds as I predicted. Turns out my Fitbit Aria is broken and isn't calibrating. I probably wasn't really 200 last week(Warranty replacement is on the way). Waist finally dropped half an inch. YES!

Weight - 202.9
Body Fat - 20.8
BMI - 28.1
Shoulders - 46
Neck - 16
Chest - 43
Bicep right - 12.5
Bicep - left - 12.5
Waist - 38.5
Hips - 38
Thigh - right - 21.5
Thigh - left - 21.5


Run: 4.01 miles. 9:35 pace, 179 SPM. Beautiful negative splits. 10:19, 9:55, 9:17. 8:47. Only one tiny spike of knee discomfort. The healing is going well. Nice cool (relative statement) 8:am run.

Basic Leg Routine
One legged balance: :30 each leg
Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg
Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg
One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb
Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),
Pull Ups: 1x4, 1x3, 1x1
Push-ups: 3x10
Planks: 3x:30
Hay Bales: 3x10 @8lb ball
Bodyweight Squats: 3x15


Weekly Mileage: 16.03 miles
Miles to Mordor: 1433.59

Today I ran Naked(Wait, what?)

There are 4 types of people who have come to visit this blog post.

1) Those who have come to see an Adonis with a glistening member for all to behold (these are the people that don't know me)

2) Those who have come imagining Shamoo swimming around spouting water(Those who know me)

3) Runners who know what running naked is and have come here to bask in the knowledge that they delusionally think I somehow have to share

4) Those who figure this will be a train wreck and they can't not look

5) Those who don't fit into one of the aforementioned categories and have decided to form an additional category to remove any doubt of their fellow readers that I haven't a solid grasp on mathematics.

Let me assure you, not a single woman screamed as I ran naked. I'd like to think it was the fact that they were mesmerized by the experience of seeing me run naked but I don't think that was the case. My privates were properly covered as was the rest of the vast majority of my sun sensitive, albacore tuna colored skin(or at least the parts people may offer me money to keep covered. hmmmm<light-bulb>)

So what the hell are we talking about? Running naked means running without the telemetry from modern day electronics. No heart rate monitors, smartphone GPS apps, GPS watch, Digital urinalysis kit(WTF?). You simply run by feel.  Listen to your body. Don't worry about your pace, the time or the weather in Mozambique(unless of course you're running in Mozambique). Just run.

It was a wonderful experience. Allowed me to focus on my injury and make sure my form didn't stress it further. I had a great pain free run! 

To be honest, I had my GPS watch on me. I just chose to not look at it. Still wanted the running data after the fact.

******

Today:

Run: 4.01 Miles. 10:03 Pace. 177 SPM. Knee felt good but it was very flat surface. I feel it hurt whenever I use any sort of lateral stability. We aren't healed yet but making ground.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),

Pull Ups: 1x4, 1x4(40lb assist), 1x3(40lb assist)

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 4.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1445.61

8/29:

Weight - 200.8

Body Fat - 19.4

BMI - 27.8

Shoulders - 46

Neck - 16

Chest - 43

Bicep right - 12.5

Bicep - left - 12.5

Waist - 39

Hips - 38

Thigh - right - 21.5

Thigh - left - 21.5

Run: 2 miles, 10:22 Pace, 178 SPM

8/30:

Stationary Bike: 30 Minutes at 85-90rpm to match a 170-180 running cadence. Going to mess with adding resistance once I figure out how to use the damn computer on it.

Standard Core Routine: 2 sets

Bicycle: 10 x each leg

Plank: :30

Marching Bridge: :60

Side Plank: :30 each side. 

Bird Dogs: 10

Yoga: Water Series A

That time I hit the Powerball(then fell from grace)

It's always exciting when you hit that Powerball. Your mind starts racing with all the things you'll get. Live-in Playboy Centerfold hooker, Ferrari, Case of Pappy Van Winkle and of course an authentic felt Dogs Playing Poker painting. Then, as always, reality sets back in as you notice you didn't get a single one of the other 5 balls right. Congratulations, you just won 4 bucks!!

So with that being said. Any single hairdressers, Yoga Instructors, or that Playboy Centerfold interested in a guy who recently became a 4-Dolleraire should consider looking up The Dilnad!

Note: Just in case things work out, Prenups are not negotiable. Don't think you can just come over, frolic for awhile, and then make off with 2 of my dollars.

CHAPTER 2

Why thank you Alex. I'll take "Things that suck" for $1000 please

So the surgery knee has healed up quite well. The other knee however, um, yeah(Lumbergh Voice)...

According to my physical therapist, while my left knee was healing and I was hobbling around, my right glute and hip flexor got stiff.(yes, even in your late 40s your glutes can still get stiff like when you were younger. It's a cruel world). This caused me to bruise the cartilage under my right kneecap (Or Patellofemorol Pain Syndrome which gets a lot more sympathy). The good news is I was able to run through it. Just had to give up some lifting stuff and downhill running for a bit to help keep the pressure down on the knee. I was getting better and feeling fairly decent, and then.....

I don't know what happened. I was running Black Willow Trail in The Parklands when at just shy of 1.25 miles, I crossed a small creek bed. The hill on either side was barely 6 feet. The moment I crested it I got that sharp pain under the knee cap. Naturally, you get to follow this up with the walk back to the car. A 1.25 mile walk what seems to stop time as your mind starts wondering how you can possibly train for your next race if you cant run. GAME OVER! Insert Coins. 

I don't know how long I'll be down for but this is a clear indication that I'm done running until this is healed. Got a call in to the PT. Hopefully this injury can be measured in weeks not months because hours could seem like days.

So what to do? I thought I'd take a cue from Adam over at The Boring Runner (His blog is very entertaining and he's fighting a much bigger battle than I with way more resolve to not whine like a little wuss. Definitely worth the read!)and try my hand at swimming. I see several problems with this.

* I haven't swam in 30+ years

* I don't even know if I remember how to swim the crawl stroke

* I don't know if I have the courage to not make a fool out of myself (which I'm adept at)

* Do I like swimming?

* Can I afford another sport?

* Even Adam had a difficult time with it and he has athletic skills. See below for a comparison

In the end. I suspect I'm going to suck at swimming but if It helps me maintain my endurance, I'm all in.

******

The Boring Crap:

8/24

Run: 5.01 miles. 10:24 pace, 179 spm

Dumbbell Y Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell T Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbbell W Raises: 1x10 @15lb

Dumbell Bench Press: 3x8@120lb (60lb dumbbells),

Pull Ups: The round, the zero, the symbol of null and void.... Ayep, couldn't pull it off tonight. Kent pointed out that right now pull ups for me are a 1-3 rep max and you don't usually do max lifts at the end of your routine so it's not unreasonable I couldn't do them tonight. I did 3 long lower and hangs though. Will go back to repping some on the resistance bands the rest of the week to further build the strength.

Push-ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 5.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1456.82

8/25

Yoga: Water Series A

8/26

Run Club - Wed: 4.01 miles, 11:02 pace, 172 spm. Pace is a little low but I ran the first 1.5 miles with Basil at his Couch to 5K pace. Knee bugs me when I run really slow. As soon as I got back up near 10m/m the pain left. I think I can't keep my form when running slower.

Basic Leg Routine

One legged balance: :30 each leg

Twisting Lunge: 6x each leg

Single-leg Deadlift: 5x each leg

One legged Alphabet spell: A-M each leg

Pull up practice: 3x10 with resistance band

Push-Ups: 3x10

Planks: 3x:30

Weekly Mileage: 9.01 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1452.81

8/27

Trail Run: 1.19 miles, 10:40 pace, 175 SPM. + knee blowout + walk back out of the woods.

Weekly Mileage: 10.20 miles

Miles to Mordor: 1451.62